One of the highlights of last year’s trip was our group’s visit to the Elephant Safari Park & Lodge to interact with, ride, and snuggle with endangered (these animals were rescued) Sumatran elephants. The preserve is beautiful and each elephant has one handler who stays with him/her for life. The bond between handler and elephant is so apparent, and very deep. They’ve also got a breeding program in place, and if you’re lucky (I WAS), you can meet some of the babies!

Here are two videos from our trip so you can get a sense for what these lovely and intelligent creatures are like. The first is of me meeting “Debbie” the elephant. Debbie and I were also featured in the elephant show together. We did math. Actually, SHE did math and I was her lovely assistant. See me learning how to stroke her tounge (elephants love this) here:

The second video shows you more of what this excursion is like and how you can interact with the elephants. I can’t WAIT to get back! Maybe this year I’ll be brave and SWIM with them. You can, you know, if you want. But the elephants also enjoy, um, pooping in the water, so you wanna watch out for that. Basketball sized elephant turds. Woo hoo! Here’s a video featuring all of the many ways you can interact with these gorgeous animals:

To join us, click here: (Yoga Vacation / Yoga Life Coach Certification)

I’m so looking forward to it.

In celebration of Nyepi, the Balinese stay inside, fast, and use as little electricity as possible. It is a day of peaceful reflection and meditation with little to no talking. As tourists, we are not immune to the rituals of Nyepi. We will stay onsite at the resort (Michael Franti’s SOULSHINE) this day, eating specially prepared food that the staff will make ahead for us, and we too will observe silence and space as the island falls dark. We’ll stay home on the beautiful property where we’ll live for two weeks, but we WILL talk, laugh, do yoga and learn, all the same, on this day of renewal.

Last year, just prior to Nyepi, I was in a cab near Ubud and saw some of the locals parading through town with this statue, known as Ogoh-ogoh, (see right), a demonic figure that symbolizes bad spirits. These statues are burned before Nyepi to symbolize purification and removal of malevolent spirits. Handsome fella, isn’t he?

Want to join us in Bali? I’ll be at Bali Spirit Festival and leading a Yoga Life Coach ™ Retreat – two weeks on this gorgeous island. Details are here: http://wildabundantlife.com/2011/12/bali2012/

Why?  One reason is because the a**holes really need our compassion and forgiveness.  Another reason (in case that one doesn’t quite reel you in) is that we actually have a lot to learn from a**holes regarding our own capacity for self-love and forgiveness. If you are incapable of forgiving the a**hole…maybe you also struggle with forgiving yourself for the times YOU are a bit of an a**hole. (Who, ME?)

At the time, I kind of got it…in theory. But now, I GET IT.

I write for a “mom blog,” where I basically wax philosophical about anything from tampons to tax returns.  I am not pretending to end world hunger; my intention is only to share honest moments from my life that might connect with other women. I do try to speak to a universal theme or learning experience, even if only in the context of head lice or projectile vomit.  I am amazed that people (besides my mom) care enough to read, much less have strong feelings about it. 

But as it turns out, I have a hater. Not just a one-timer – a reoccurring, heckler-hater, known only as Mommyofthree.  Mommyofthree DOES have strong feelings about my blogs, or, more accurately, about ME.  She sees me as a sniffling, whining, selfish twit who “puts her own sanity before her husband and children.” (Isn’t that a good thing?)  She encourages me to stop writing my “disgraceful” blog so I can tend to my “disturbed” children. 

I am a grown woman.  Why should I care what some random stranger says? 

But I do care. Reading her scathing comments, I felt wounded and vulnerable. I had nightmares of Mommyofthree trying to stab me with her Martha Stewart scrapbooking scissors. I let myself have these feelings free of judgment, but held myself back from ripping her a new one acting on them.

Where is the lesson here? What is this a**hole trying to teach me?

Philip explores the possibility that “the a**hole might be triggering something hidden and unresolved within you” in his article That A**hole is Really Your Guru.  In order to uncover this truth, ask yourself these questions:

1. What exactly do I hate about this jerk?

I hate that Mommyofthree  judged me as selfish and spoiled without really knowing me.  She painted a picture of me as a pampered soccer mom, someone who wastes time blogging about trivial things rather than doing something she deems more valuable, like trying to figure out why my kids are so “disturbed.” As a woman, I feel betrayed.  I think there should be some sort of blood-sister vow of loyalty between mothers when it comes to judging someone else’s maternal capabilities.  In the blog I am very honest about my insecurities and challenges as a mother, and she kind of kicked me when I was down. It just feels like a low blow.

2. Have I ever done the same thing?

No way, man.

3. Have I ever done, said, or THOUGHT about doing the same thing?

No….I mean, I don’t think so….

4. Ever, EVER??

Well….there was my Facebook status from last week: “I would like to pour Goop down Gwyneth Paltrow’s pants” I posted this as a critique of her blog, Goop. At times I find her posts to be self-centered and elitist: her workouts, her diet, how she only gives her kids organic food…which, now that I think about it… are all things I have probably blogged about (as I attach organic beet juice lollipops to Emma’s Valentines).  I attacked someone I have never met behind her back…on FACEBOOK. Talk about a low blow….Oh My God!!!  I AM AN A**HOLE TOO!

This realization made me laugh so hard.  Suddenly it all seemed so ridiculous. I am condemning Gwyneth for being silly and selfish because I condemn MYSELF for being silly and selfish, which is why Mommyofthree’s accusations pressed my buttons.

What is most interesting to me is that I really feel no judgment toward myself about it.  Am I silly, self-absorbed and narcissistic?  At times, sure.  But I am also kind, loving and honest. The behavior itself is less important than my awareness of its presence or absence.

If I can be grown up enough to get past my wounded ego and preteen victim bullsh*t, I open up all this space to feel gratitude for the a**hole who helped me uncover this block to peace. So thank you, Mommyofthree!

Gwyneth says: “I have seen people write horrible things about me, and for a second I am so wounded.  How could people hate me? I am a good person trying to put good things into the world.  But anytime you do anything with a degree of sincerity, people make fun of you.  Who cares what some lame person says, anyway?”

Amen, Sister. Sorry for being an a**hole. 

When I was working with my designer on the creation of a logo for Wild Abundant Life, we finally decided on what he called, “an infinity bloom with arrow forward”. As he shared the design concept with me, I fell instantly in love.

The petals of the infinity bloom represent infinite possibilities, choices and directions. At any moment an agenda can change, pivot or shift entirely, allowing us to grow in new directions.

Then there’s the “arrow forward” at the center of the bloom. This brings me back to the thoughts that woke me this morning before the city began to stir.

What DOES it mean to move forward?

Many people equate “moving forward” with immediate achievement or huge risk. They also believe that reversing a choice (for example, choosing to leave a business that you started) is failure or stepping backwards.

I disagree. Any choice at all – even one to stay quietly still and alert – is forward motion. Sometimes the subtlest of choices have the most profound impact on where we go, what we do, and who we become. Moving forward can be as simple as choosing to be still. As long as you choose, there is momentum, and it’s impossible to be stuck.

So this morning, as I lie in bed typing, resting in the heart of this amazing city with spectacular energy and so much to do, I’m keeping it simple. In a few minutes, I’ll get up to walk through Central Park to my favorite juice bar, quietly taking in the sights, smells and sounds that make New York City — New York City. And later this evening, I’ll hop the Staten Island Ferry for my yoga gig at 5 Boro Power Yoga to teach a fun and rockin’ class.

One entire day dedicated to staying still and open to experience. Anything could happen. Anything could shift. And Anything Goes.

Congratulations are due to Midwest Power Yoga’s new Studio Director, Scott Resch. Scott taught for me at my studio (Midwest Power Yoga) years ago, and returned to teaching yoga this past fall after training with me and LIVE LOVE TEACH at our Mexico 5-day program. Scott and compatriot, Josif Wittnik, also did a beautiful job in renovating our studio space. His natural gifts for building community and facilitating are perfectly suited to the task, and I’m so thrilled he is on board.

Scott, thanks for all you do, for all of your enthusiasm, and for stepping up to lead the teaching team at MPY! We’re delighted to have you.

In addition, I’d like to express my gratitude to the Midwest Power Yoga Teaching Team. All of these teachers were trained by me and each teach fabulous and unique classes. They are all wonderful! Here’s a shout-out to the current team:

Scott Resch
Jan Marnocha
Gina Van Boxtel
Kelly Ellington
Debbie Heinritz
Josif Wittnik
Beth Platten
Wanda Schnetzer
Kerry Jo Olson
Stephanie Duwe
Janet Planet
Brent Miller
Daisy Boehm
Crystal Hill
and our many subs and guest teachers!

I’ve been so excited to watch the students here step into curiosity as they try on new ideas.  What strikes me most is how much I learn from the THEM – the students taking this training.  While we (my co-founders, Stacy, Philip & me) have concrete tools and techniques to share from the past year of working together, the magic of the program happens when our students instinctively move beyond those techniques and tools into their own creativity and passion.  In other words, the magic is when we see them surpass us in their teaching, in their coaching for each other, and in the things they do in their lives.

I’m so pleased to say that it’s happening every day here this week.  LIVE LOVE TEACH is  a great seed, but it is the participants who make it special and a program unlike any other.  To see them now, on the second to last day, ready to take on the world, teaching in their full power, is nothing short of breathtaking.

“You are standing weird.”

“Do you normally hold your arms like that?”

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“Why are you hovering by the door?”

Despite the unanimous feedback, I still have trouble breaking out of my awkward, wallflower persona.  Just last week I had a bunch of new students in my yoga class, and I found myself “doing it:” I kept backing up toward the door rather than migrating around the room.  The sound of my own voice started to throw me off, and suddenly my arms felt ape-ishly long.  Why does this happen?  What am I doing wrong?

A conversation with my daughter reminded me that I already knew the answer.  She came home from school complaining about the new game they played in gym class.

“What was it called?” I ask.

“Dodgeball, ” she groans.

I hated dodgeball.  Excluding the day the school nurse made all the 6th grade girls stand in a locker room lineup wearing only underwear and a bra (or for us late bloomers, a Fruit of the Loom undershirt) to get tested for scoliosis, playing dodgeball was my least favorite middle school activity.

I remember standing in the back of the gym, my chest tight as I watched my team members get hit, the shield of people becoming thinner until I was the only one left.  Now the entire game depended on me.  At this point the other team can smell your fear – or they just assume you are scared shitless considering you are huddled in the soccer net.  So, as you stand there with your legs crossed doing the pee-pee dance, the opposing team starts hurling rubber grenades at your face.  This situation could go one of three ways:

1. You catch the ball triumphantly and your whole team leaps off the bench, racing onto the court in a blaze of glory (Unlikely).
2. You catch the ball, but it hits your chin making you clamp down on your tongue, causing the ball to bounce out of your hands to a chorus of “YOU SUCK!” (50/50 chance)
3. You get pegged in the face, start crying, and get sent to the nurse. (Likely)

A-HA! I am making the same mistakes in teaching that I did in dodgeball.  How many Rhino rubber balls to the cranium does a girl need to realize that SUCCESS NEVER COMES FROM HIDING?  In gym class, in the yoga studio, and in life – you need to get out of your head and into the game.

Dodgeball, a game I once categorized as pointless and barbaric, now stands as a metaphor for the importance of tenacity and integrity in the face of new challenges.  Now I wonder what life lessons can be gleaned from the scoliosis-testing trauma…

 What Dodgeball Teaches You About Teaching Yoga

• Presence: Zone out in dodgeball and you’ll end up with the checkerboard imprint of that rubber ball on your forehead; zone out while teaching yoga and you’ll end up with an empty studio. So you better be paying attention.
• Hustle: What you lack in skill, make up for it with hustle.  Move around the room, give the assists you know well, provide blocks and straps. And if you want to feel more comfortable teaching yoga, teach more yoga.
• See Everyone as a Higher Being: In dodgeball, the good team players were the ones that believed that everyone – even the violin player with the coke bottle glasses – could catch that ball. As a teacher, one way for me to get out of my head is to remember that the class is about the STUDENTS- from the advanced yogi to the brand new beginner.  They are not there to judge me, they are there to do some Sun Salutes.
• Fake it Until You Make It: I’m all for honesty and being yourself, unless your current behavior is not serving anyone, which is a pretty good indication that you are actually not being yourself at all.  Not feeling confident?  Act confident.  Not cocky – confident. Channel your inner Superman.

It’s way more fun than hiding in the phone booth like Clark Kent.

It shouldn’t be.

And yet, many of us resist this like nothing else. Sometimes we are offered support without even asking for it and we turn it down – sidestepping opportunities and possibilities that could make our lives easier, better, and happier. Instead we choose misery, regret and resentment, ie “She never offered me THIS,” or “My boss never lets me create the things I want to.” And we do ALL of this, create all of these statements which lead to pain & suffering and “what if?”, without even asking for or declaring what it is that we want and need in the first place.

This leads to feeling like a victim of circumstance, alone in a world full of monsters who don’t care about us versus feeling empowered and capable of making choices that elevate the world.

Clowning around with Kellie Lin - on the clock for Wild Abundant Life!

Here’s an example: my Business Manager/Booking Agent/CEO (Chief Everything Officer), Kellie Lin Knott, works in all aspects of my many businesses, but is also a talented musician and writer. She came to me last week and asked for support in shifting some of her workload so she can do more with her music.

Kellie’s fear was that I would be hurt or upset, but I’m delighted to have the opportunity to support her and will do everything I can to help her. In fact, it’s when people DON’T ask for my support that I’m saddened. I love it when I can be part of something, anything, that lets my friends, employees, or family create something big or step into something that is so good for them, but kinda scary. It’s WHY I do what I do.

You can try this on, right now. If you do, please share your results here on the blog!

(1) Think of an area of your life where you’d like to grow.

(2) List all of the people who form your current support system, and also any other people who might have knowledge, resources, or the ability to give you permission to move forward (boss, spouse, etc) with something that excites you.

(3) Today, approach all of these people and declare openly & honestly what is it that you want to create. Ask for their support. If you have specific ideas around how they can help you, be specific in what you ask for. And don’t assume that you know what they’ll say. Ask.

You might be surprised at the results!

P.S. If you ASK for support and GET support, be GRATEFUL & GRACIOUS and RECEIVE the support.

P.P.S. It helps if what you want to create involves contribution in some way. Read my previous post on this HERE.

When I was a child in school, we used a similar gesture each morning while facing the flag and saying the pledge of allegiance. The same was true of sporting events I played in or attended – hand placed on heart as we listened or sang the pre-game national anthem.

The US Code (Titles 4 and 36) specifies four circumstances for rendering the hand-over-heart salute:
1. When the US flag is raised or lowered
2. When the US flag is carried past in a review or parade
3. When reciting the pledge of allegiance
4. When the national anthem is played.

In my grade school days, my younger sister, Connie, had a deaf friend named Mitsy who was always in trouble. Whenever confronted about her mischief, she’d place her hand on her heart and claim in earnest that it wasn’t her. Usually, it was.

According to ASL (American Sign Language), the sign she was using is similarly used to communicate “thank you from the bottom of my heart,” although her meaning was different.

To make the sign simply place your hand on your heart as though you’re saying the Pledge of Allegiance. Then pull your hand down and out, bending at the elbow (not the wrist), stopping for a moment at about the belly button with your hand flat, palm up, angled toward the person you’re thanking.

When googling for Mexican cultural references for this gesture, nothing came up. My husband, Mark, has a theory. He swears the Mexican people learned this gesture from watching Cylons on Battlestar Galactica. Whether it means “thank you” or “by your command” (the signature phrase the Cylons utter), it is welcoming & warm. The next time you meet with someone – friend, relative, or new acquaintance, try it. Touch your heart, nod your head and smile. Chances are that you and the recipient of this expression will both feel good.

I went to Debbie’s Yoga Life Coaching certification weekend raw and open, ready to absorb what she sent my way and incorporate it alongside my realizations from Seth.

What happened after I left Dallas?

1. I threw my four-page menu of services in the trash and started creating a limited perspective of the types of services and clients I wanted to work with.

2. Added the word coaching to my services page. A very real shift from consultant to coach.

3. Realized that my best clients to date were in co-creation mode – and my success came from being a partner in their progress and success, not a dictator.

4. Started shifting the ideal client profile I want to look for to co-creators. Realized I’m halfway to my 2012 goal of 5-8 clients.

5. Added a business mentorship program to my 2012 offerings. Filled the 4 available slots before the new year hit.

6. Realized at the root of it all, I want to teach and be involved in writing. Started to work toward offering 2 writer’s retreats per year and opening a writer’s center in metro Detroit for classes, tutoring, readings and workshops.

I could go on, but who wants to read someone else’s list?

So I’ll tell you this: I came home from Dallas with renewed confidence in my parenting skills and the bond I have with my three wonderful children. A more compassionate attitude toward my ex-husband. I let go of the competitive air between us and embraced the concept that he is doing the best he can with what he has.

I believe there are no coincidences and the fact that I met Debbie last summer at the Midwest Yoga Journal conference and sat in on her business of yoga class was no accident. I also recognize my own strength in seeking her counsel and believing my instincts that motivated me to meet her for coffee that very same day.

I now welcome mistakes instead of worrying that one mistake will prompt clients to head for the hills. I don’t feel guilty when I take time for myself away from my children. I love the way my body looks even though I’m not a size 2. I see the glass as half-full. Because it always can be. I am going to get to know my clients on a personal level because then I can be more effective in guiding them toward the lives they want to live.

And I realize that by telling my stories and living my best life, I am attracting like-minded amazing people into my sphere of influence. It’s a wonderful life, you know, and so much better for having learned the important lessons of Yoga Life Coaching.